


You ask, I write Death Note edition.

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:11:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You ask, I write! Either leave a comment or send me a private message with your request.





	1. Problems Afoot

**Author's Note:**

> Please like and leave a comment if you are enjoying my work, go make an author's day and leave some feedback :)
> 
>  
> 
> If you would like to leave a comment to request a fic, please do so. 
> 
> I will choose the request I like best and dedicate the next chapter to you. (Please keep commenting your ideas even if they are not used right away, I will still write a fic for you! ) 
> 
> Pairings can be: LightxL BeyondxL (I write L as uke and would prefer to continue to do so. Feel free to suggest other pairings too, even crack! Ones hehe) 
> 
> I will not write fiction that elludes to or contains:
> 
> *scat/water sports  
> *necrophilia  
> *pedophilia  
> *animal abuse
> 
> Everything else is fair game :D

Problems Afoot: An indepth account of Light's realization he has a major foot fetish (and that L has very nice feet) 

Rating: Explicit. Includes Rimming and Masturbation. 

Dedicated to: LeahSnuffskie. 

Pairings: LightxL, AiberxL (refrenced only) MisaxLight (one sided) 

 

Describing 'Ryuzaki' as "odd" or "strange" was like saying the sky was blue. 

It was a blatantly obvious observation. Ryuzaki nibbled on sweets and stuffed them in his face like a hamster, he held things by the very tips of his fingers and most alarmingly (in Light's opinion) the man refused to wear socks. 

Light found his eyes drifting (again) to the pair of slender, pale feet curled around the base of a chair as their owner chatted in Russian on his phone. 

The others were taking an extended lunch break since they hadn't had much to do, and Light was... Staring at Ryuzaki's feet. 

Light wondered if L had ever had a sun tan before, then dismissed the question. Of course he hadn't. He was as pale as snow, the veins showing beautifully through that near translucent skin. 

"Light-Kun"

Light lifted his eyes to L, to find the detective staring at him curiously. His phone lay on his desk and he seemed to have been gazing at Light for some time to get his attention. 

"Yes, Ryuzaki? " Light asked, clearing his throat a little to hide his embarrassment at being caught staring at his chain-mate's feet. 

"May I ask why you have been staring at my feet for the last five minutes?" L accompanied the question with a tilt of his head and Light felt like punching the cute bastard in the face. 

Damn L. Damn L with his strange (cute) quirks and damn L for being so bloody intelligent and determined and absolutely his damn type if he could ever accept the fact he was gay... 

"I.. I guess I was lost in thought, sorry" Light shrugged his shoulders, avoiding L's dark gaze as he resumed typing on his laptop. Best to keep busy and hope L dropped the subject. He couldn't even suggest going to grab a coffee because that would involve moving and thus revealing the throbbing erection he was sporting. 

"What where you thinking about? You seemed very unfocused" L prompted, not buying Light's excuse for a moment. 

Light sighed and shifted a little in his seat. Damn Ryuzaki and his gorgeous fucking feet! 

Why did he have a foot fetish? He was the top student in all of Japan, he was good looking and charming and could have any woman he wanted. But no, he just had to have a thing for raven-haired detectives with questionable habits and pretty pale feet... 

"Just... Personal stuff" Light glanced at the clock. Jeez where the hell was everyone? He'd even welcome Misa at this point. 

"Oh I see" L popped a thumb into his mouth "Light-Kun clearly does not want to discuss his 'personal stuff' so I would have to summerize it is because he is either embarrassed about them or they are sexual in nature"

Light could feel his eyebrow twitch in annoyance as L, naturally, found the truth through his lie straight away. 

"I'm not really a good person to talk to about things like that, anyway. I'm not a virgin but I'm hardly a wealth of exprience either. Perhaps Light-Kun could discuss his issues with his father? Or... Maybe not" L blinked at Light's incredulous gaze. Was he about to be punched in the face again? 

Light's brain had short circuted on 'not a virgin' who the hell had L slept with? The man was a recluse with hardly any people skills... He was... He was not jealous, he was just baffled. That was all. 

"You're... " Light decided to ignore his own uncomfortableness and press for details. He could find out a bit more about L, if he played the 'love troubles' card. "You're not a virgin?"

L cocked a brow, clearly unimpressed Light found the notion so suprising. 

"No, I am not. Is this what is concerning you? There is nothing wrong with waiting until the time you feel comfortable to have sex with Miss Amane, you know" L paused, taking a loud slurp of tea "I'm sure she wouldn't object, she is a few years older than you and she seems an experienced enough woman-"

"Are you calling her a slut, Ryuzaki?" 

L blinked at Light's sharp tone. Touche. 

"Not at all. I was just stating the obvious. Amane Misa has had several celebrity boyfriends the past three years so is clearly more exprienced in such matters than you are, Light-Kun. "

Watari entered, wheeling a tray full of macaroons and other sugar filled monstrosities and L breathed a sigh. Finally. 

"L, you have a private caller on Line 1, I've patched the call through to your personal number" 

L rifeled through his desk drawer (filled with different coloured phones, candy wrappers and the odd bit of hi-tech equipment. He found a sleek, black phone and pulled it out. 

Light returned to his computer to try and appear busy, but he was reeling. Who the HELL had Ryuzaki's PRIVATE number? 

L selected a few macaroons and a fresh cup of sugar (mixed in with tea) and held the phone to his ear in that bizzare way of his. 

"Yes?... Oh, it's you. I thought you were still in France? Well, that's flattering to know I insipired your... Endeavors.... I'm afraid that won't be possible. I'm heading the Kira investigation case in Tokyo cutrently... " L drummed his fingers on the desk, appearing a little tense at the topic of conversation. Light wondered if he shifted just a little bit closer would he be able to hear who L was speaking to? 

His erection had finally gone down, so Light carefully left his desk to walk the few metres to the refreshment trolly. He set about pouring himself a cup of coffee he actually didn't want, and found he was just about able to disearn a masculine voice on the other end of the line:

"I had to, this morning. I just found myself thinking about it and it inspired me. It truely is such a shame you're not at home... "

"Duty calls and all that" L began dismantling a macaroon "so other than that was there any actual purpose for your call?"

"Oho, so cold, L. You weren't nearly so cold when you were flat on your back and I was fucking the living daylights out of you last month... No, you were very *hot* and tight then... "

Light fumbled with his coffee cup and quickly returned to his desk, red-faced and seething. So L was talking to his lover was he? His very male, dominant sounding lover. 

"Yes I do recall that was a very satisfactory exprience, but I don't really have the time to discuss that now. No, you can't call me later I am not offered much privacy due to my current living situation... " L cast a quick glance at Light, who was blowing on his coffee. Avoiding eye contact. Hmmm. 

"That's a shame... But, absence makes the heart grow fonder, does it not? Give me a call if you need my... Expertise in the near future. I wouldn't mind visiting Japan again"

"Thank you, I believe I will. When things have settled a bit. L out"

L abruptedly snaped the phone closed and shoved the mashed up macaroon into his mouth. He noticed Watari's disaproving glance and shrugged his shoulders. 

"What? I didn't give him my private number, Watari, *you* did" L defended himself. 

Watari sighed. While that was true, he had only given Aiber L's number for work purposes... Certainly not for discussing past liasons between the pair or setting up new ones. 

Light wondered if Watari would reply (he'd only ever witnessed L and Watari disagree on something once, and the whole conversation had been in English so it was hard to follow) but the pair seemed content to leave the questionable phone call be. The others were trailing into the office and Light sighed again as he noticed a familiar (and much loathed) blonde head amongst them. 

"Liiiight!" Misa squealed, immediately shooting over to him and clambering onto his lap. 

"Misa! Get off me!" Light snapped, outraged the girl would even do such a thing in front of the others. Matsuda hid a smile behind his take-out cup as Souichiro shook his head disaprovingly at Misa's behaviour. Suitablly chastised, Misa whispered an apology and climbed off him. She did not move from his side as he attempted to finish his report. 

Light ignored her as she began to spout nonesence about how her day went, what she wore in her shoot so on and so forth. His eyes were fixed on L's feet again. L had shifted in his chair and was not sitting in his usual crouch. Instead, he curled both feet underneath him and sat on the chair, the soft undersides of his feet temptingly bare and exposed to his gaze. 

They looked so soft. Unblemished! How could they be so spotlessly clean and soft when L walked everywhere barefoot? Why wasn't they dirty or disgusting? 

L's left foot flexed slightly and Light felt his mouth go dry. He really hoped L would sit like this more often, the sight of his soles were driving him crazy-

"Light! You've not heared a word Misa has been saying!"

Suitably distracted by the shrill tone, Light tore his gaze away from L's feet and glared up at Misa. 

"I'm busy, Misa, in case you hadn't noticed we have a lot of reports to file on Kira's victims and-"

Misa huffed, her small hands planted on her hips. Light winced as he noticed how her breasts jiggled slightly at the action. Repulsive. 

"When are we going to have a date? It's been weeks! Well, Ryuzaki? Think you can tear yourself away from this investigation for five minutes so me and Light can spend some time together? "

"Light and I" L muttered, not glancing at the girl as he continued typing. 

"What??" Misa scowled. 

"The correct phrase is 'Light and I' not 'me and Light' Amane-San. If you are going to put foreward an arguement to have a date you should at least speak properly while doing so" L replied, voice utterly devoid of tone as he continued to ignore the girl in favour of his report. 

"So you're calling me stupid?!" Misa cried, looking to Light to defend her. Light shrugged and sipped his coffee. No point in denying that simple truth. 

"I was implying you're stupid, I didn't actually *say* it" L snarked, finally turning his gaze to her "You are also extremely distracting, I am corresponding with the Italian Prime Minister whilst enduring your whinging AND having to correct your speach. Please either shut up or go away" 

Aizawa and Mogi glanced at each other, both realizing L's Misa tolerance was getting progressively lower as the week went on, and it wasn't very high to begin with. 

"Light! Did you hear that?"

"Yes, and he's right, you are distracting. Look, Misa, this is important work we're doing. How about if you leave us to finish up these reports to foreign ministers we can try and arrange to spend some time together this weekend?" Light glanced to L for assent and L offered a noncommital shrug. 

"Really? Well, I do have another shoot to go to! I will leave Light and grumpy, mean Ryuzaki to their work! Ring me later so we can make plans! " Miss planted a kiss on Light's cheek in farewell (light grimaced at the sticky sensation of her sparkly lipgloss) and waved goodbye to the others. As soon as she was gone, L spun his chair around from his computer with a small sigh. 

Light's gaze darted to his feet once again and L studied him. Light's cheeks were flushed, he was behaving unusually and he was pretty certain the other young man was sweating. 

He had caught him looking at his feet four times this afternoon, and enough was enough. He needed answers. 

"Let's go Light, I need the restroom" L strode off, jerking the chain lightly to prompt Light to stand up. He did so with a glare, but followed L out of the room and down the hallway anyway. 

Once away from the others and in the restroom, L closed the door and fiddled with the control panel behind it. 

"What are you doing?" Light frowned, as L typed in some form of code. 

"Turning the cameras off" 

"Why?" Light asked, at once alarmed. What was L planning? 

"Because I need answers" L said gravely. He hoisted himself up onto the sink counter and swung his feet. Light, predictably, dropped his gaze to them for a second before he looked back at L's gaze challengingly. 

"If you've taken me here to ask am I Kira then for the thousandth time, NO-"

L waved a hand dismissevly, cutting Light's defence off abruptly. 

"I didn't bring you here to ask you *that* I already know that answer. I called you here to ask you why it is you have spent the entire afternoon staring at my feet. At first I could see the validity in your statement you were lost in thought, but as the afternoon has progressed I have had to assume you have some kind of issue with my refusal to wear socks. And since you are clearly so distracted by it, I thought it best to discuss it away from the others" L stopped swinging his feet and pinned Light to the spot with his eyes. 

'Shit' was the only thing Light's usually fantastic brain could come up with as he stared back at L. 

"So? I am correct? You either have a very strong dislike for feet or... " L trailed off, his eyes lingering on the slight bulge showing in the front of Light's slacks. Oh. 

*Oh*

Light saw the realization dawn on Ryuzaki's face and blushed in mortification. He couldn't even speak. The great Kira, God of the New World, blushing like a virgin as his enemey (crush) figured out he had a foot fetish. 

"Ah... Light... I'm... Sorry for bringing this topic up with you, it's an entirely normal thing, especially considering you're age and-"

Light strode forward two paces and smashed his mouth against Ryuzaki's. He needed the other man to just shut up already. 

L made a surprised yelping sound as he felt Light's tongue brush across his lips. Hesitently, he parted them, and moaned as Light's tongue thrust into his mouth and entangled with his own. 

'Well this is an intresting development ' L thought as Light pulled him closer, stepping between the gap between his legs and kissing harder. L felt the bulge grow larger as Light pressed against him. 

'I should probably stop this' L thought, as Light broke the kiss off and began sucking his neck. 

He continued to debate the positives and negatives of calling their current activities to an end as Light hoiked his shirt up and lathed at his nipples. He abandoned the notion entirely when Light brushed his thumbs across his nipples then moaned with desire as they hardened under his touch. 

"Haaa... Light... " L moaned, his thoughts grinding to halt as a spark of pleasure zipped up his spine as Light drew a nipple into his mouth. 

"I can't help it. I thought I could fight it but I can't. I want you, Ryuzaki" Light panted, drawing his mouth from L's chest. He met the other man's gaze squarely "I want you. And I really want your feet... "

L panted, attempting to draw in enough breath so he could start thinking clearly again. Either his oxygen levels were dangerously low and he was entering a stage of Hypoxia or all of the blood had gone from his brain to his groin, because he really couldn't think straight at the moment. 

Light smiled at L's dazed expression and gently reached for his zipper. L made no move to stop him so he pulled it down and delved a hand inside, making L moan raggedly as he felt fingers wrap around the pulsing hardness inside his pants. 

"Nngg, Light" L hissed, unable to prevent the buck of his hips as Light began to stroke him slowly. 

"Can I suck you off? Can i... " Light smeared the precum ozzing out of the slit over L's shaft, using it to skim his hand up and down faster. 

"Please... Fuck, light... Please" L gasped, wiggling his hips to aid Light in pulling his pants down. Light got the hint and yanked them down, gazing at the throbbing erection jutting up between L's pale thighs. 

'Oh. My. God. ' light dropped to his knees and drew the delicious looking cock into his mouth. L cried out harshly, hands flying to clutch in Light's hair as the teen hollowed his cheeks and began to suck. 

"Light... Haaa... Oh... Ah... Gonna... Come so quick... Too good at this! " L cried, each word punctuated with gasps for breath as Light mercillesly tongued his head. L let his head fall back to rest against the mirror behind him as he felt Light hoist one of his legs high into the air. He shuddered as his twitching hole was exposed to the cool air of the bathroom. Light dipped his head lower and licked down L's hairless perinium to his soft pink hole. 

L squealed at the sensation and banged his head against the mirror. What was Light doing?! Aiber had never done this before! 

"What... What is Light-Kun doing" L croacked, as Light traced his rim with the tip of his tongue. 

"Do you like it? I can make you come like this... If you let me masturbate onto your feet? "

L was silent for a moment before he nodded. He was enjoying Light's tongue in his asshole, who was he to judge if Light wanted to whack one out over his feet? 

Light speared his tongue into L's body and the detective let out a keening wail, his body locking in place as he suddenly orgasmed. His cock pulsed out his come and L slumped against the mirror, crying out at each pulse of his cock and flick of Light's tongue. 

He didn't know how long he had been slumped against the mirror, legs akimbo and torso covered in cum, but when he opened his eyes again, light was taking off his slacks and gazing at him with hungry amber eyes. 

"Mmm... That was... What... What did you do with your tongue?" L moaned, feeling the cum coating his belly begin to harden as his cock twitched weakly against his thigh. 

"I rimmed you" Light smirked "I read about it a few months ago in a porn magazine... A magazine for guys who like guys... "

L cracked an eye open at Light's sudden hesitant tone. 

"You have just had you're tongue in my ass, I think it's blatently obvious you are gay, Light-kun, and there is no shame in that, even if your society frowns on such things. In England it is perfectly acceptable. It just is. People are what they are and we love who we love. Don't allow society to dictate who you are or what you do"

Light smiled at L. Yes. This was the reason he lov... Liked Ryuzaki. He was not normal. He did not confirm to societies demands. He was eccentric and brilliant and beautiful... 

"You're gay too?"

L shrugged "I like who I like. Their gender makes no difference to me."

Light's eyes drifted to L's feet and L wiggled his toes playfully, almost in a 'come hither' motion. 

Light grinned and knelt down again, carefully picking up one foot and kissing the delicate arch gently. L giggled at the tickilsh sensation and settled down to watch as Light began to place kisses on his skin. 

The kisses soon became sucks, Accompanied by Light's pants as one hand reached between his legs to stroke his cock. L remained silent, sated and curious, and watched as Light sucked his toes into his mouth. L squirmed slightly, and Light groaned around his toes, his hand moving faster. 

"Such beautiful feet... Fuck... So soft and white" Light panted, exchanging L's left foot for his right and worshipping it in a similar, if not more frenzied, fashion. 

"Can I come on them... Smear it into your skin... "

L sighed as Light traced the outline of his veins with his tongue. It was actually quite relaxing. 

"Yes, Light-Kun" L replied, when Light looked up at him for permission. Light gently lifted L's feet and L held his legs outstretched as Light stood over them, his erection hovering over them as he fisted himself furiously. L groaned at the strangely arousing sight and Light's eyes flicked to meet his before they fluttered shut. L watched as Light's thrusts stuttered and thick jets of white burst out of him, landing wetly on his twitching feet as Light moaned in bliss. He shot out several more jets of hot cum, some landing on L's toes and arches. 

"Mmm yes.... God, L... " Light groaned, milking his cock for the last few drops until he had to stop, the maddening desire finally abated. 

L watched as Light began to gently message his release into the skin of his feet, his fingers stroking soothingly. L luxuriated in the feeling of this impromptu footmessage and leaned back against the mirror again, no longer watching Light just feeling. 

When Light was satisfied all traces of his cum had been absorbed into the silky skin, he slowly rose to his feet. 

"Thank you... That.. That was amazing" Light flushed "you didn't mind it?"

L grinned "if Light-kun wants to do it again he is more than welcome. Perhaps I will devise a new way of sitting to torment him... " 

Light groaned at Ryuzaki but pulled him into a kiss. Between kisses the pair washed up and got dressed, L even pulling a bandage out of a medicine cupboard and wrapping it around one of his feet. 

"Why are you doing that?" light complained. The ugly bandage was blocking his view! 

"You will see" L said cryptically "we need some excuse for taking over an hour to go to the toilet after all. "

Light followed L back to the office and found all eyes on them as they walked through the door. 

"What on earth has taken so long?" Light's father asked. In their abscence L had recieved four calls, all unanswered by the detective. 

"Light has been administering first aid" L said cooly, strolling past the gawking task force to his chair. He did not sit in it in his usual perch, instead he propped his feet up on the desk, shooting Light an impish smile as the teen sat down next to him. 

"What happened? " Matsuda asked, peering at the bandage wound neatly around L's foot. 

"I stood on a pin on the way to the bathroom. It went pretty deep so Light had to stop the bleeding and tend to my foot. He was very good at tending to it too, Yagami-San"

Light nearly chocked on his sip of tea as L 'innocently' informed his father of how good he was at 'attending' to his feet.

"Maybe you should start wearing slippers or something, Ryuzaki, I'm surprised this hasn't happened before with you walking around barefoot all the time" Matsuda sighed "I know you don't like shoes but slippers should protect-" Matsuda made the mistake of reaching for L's foot to examine it and Light batted his hand away. 

"It's sore. Don't touch it" he muttered when Matsuda glanced at him with surprise. 

"Hmm. I see your point, Matsuda-san but I'm afraid wearing slippers simply won't be possible for me" L decided. 

"Why not? It isn't very proper to walk around barefooted all the time anyway" Mogi pipped up. 

L just smiled, then glanced at Light as he replied:

"I don't care what's proper. I do what I want to do. Societies norms mean nothing to me, so perhaps *you* should all be more cautious about not dropping sharp objects on the floor so I can continue living my life the way I want to"

Light smirked at Ryuzaki's elusion to the conversation in the bathroom.  
It was definitely time to start doing what he wanted to do as well. Namely, figure out a way to keep L alive and safe from Rem, ditch Misa and get those delicious toes back in his mouth as soon as possible... 

"Back to work" L snapped, when he realised everyone was still muttering about his 'injury' "Light-kun will take care of me, won't you Light-Kun?" L asked slyly, his foot twitching a little and bumping into Light's arm. 

Light placed a hand gently on L's foot "of course, Ryuzaki" he smiled, stroking the soft skin beneath the bandage. 

No one noticed the careass and suddenly L and Light discovered they had a new game to play... 

L kept his feet up on the desk for the reminder o the afternoon, and Light snuck in little touches when he could. By the end of the day when everyone save Watari had retired to bed, L frogmarched Light passed a waiting Misa and straight up the stairs to bed. 

His plan of teasing and tormenting Light had backfired and he had spent most of the afternoon suffering just as much as Light had. 

But as L locked their bedroom door and pulled Light into a kiss he knew full well they would both go back to playing the very same game tomorrow... 

 

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! If you have any requests or feedback please leave a comment! -ALS


	2. Matsuda's Oral Fixation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As requested, here is a short Matsuda/L fic. Matsuda gets hot under the collar as L eats popsicles during a hot day at the office. Unable to stand it anymore, he goes to the kitchen to cool off. L, curious as to what is bothering him, follows. Rated M for language and a blow job scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Never written a Matsuda/L fic before... Here goes!

Prompt: A Matsuda/L fic where L gives Matsuda a blow job after Matsuda gets turned on by his Popsicle eating prowess. Bonus: Matsuda jerks L off and Light gets jealous. 

Pairings: Matsuda/L, Light/L (one sided) 

Rating: M

Dedicated to: ErinMC

 

 

It was sweltering. 

The AC was on maximum, the windows were open and several fans were running, but the stagnant air in the office refused to cool down. No one could sit on the leather sofas for fear of sticking to them, and suit jackets, ties and shoes had soon been abandoned as the Task Force tried their best to keep comfortable. 

Watari was dishing out ice creams which did help, but no sooner they had the cones in hand they would begin to melt resulting in numerous sticky messes. 

Matsuda sighed as he wiped his shirt down, it was stained pink with drips of ice cream from his rapidly melting cone. He felt hot, sticky and uncomfortable and he didn't really understand why any of them were even attempting to work in this extreme heatwave. 

The only one who didn't seem that bothered by the heat was the cool, unflappable detective L. 

Ryuzaki was perched on his chair, phone in one long fingered hand and cherry Popsicle in the other. Other than the fact he had forgone his usual long sleeved white shirt for a T-shirt, he appeared completely uninconvienced by the stifiling heat. 

Matsuda collected the pile of documents from the printer and trudged over to L. The aloof detective did not even glance his way as he deposited them on his desk. 

Of course the great L wouldn't interrupt his conversation (in Mandarin no less) to thank the office dogsbody. 

Now without a task, Matsuda lingered by L's side and found himself admiring the man's profile. L was Caucasion, and he actually had quite exotic features as far as Matsuda was concerned. He had large dark eyes that were both captivating and intimidating. Matsuda knew from first hand experience how dangerously those deep eyes could flash in temper... Or how surprisingly sultry and alluring they could be when L was lost in thought. 

His nose was wellshaped and had a little upturn (so common in westerners) that Matsuda secretly thought was quite cute. 

As he zoned out he found himself thinking back to the story of Snow White. Like her, L had hair as dark as night, and skin as pale as snow. 

And lips as red as blood (or, in L's case) cherry popsicles. 

"Matsuda-San"

Matsuda jumped a little, startled out of his thoughts. He turned to Light, who was looking at him with a keenly piercing gaze. 

"Yes, Light-kun? "

"You've been staring at Ryuzaki for the last two minutes" Light pointed out "what's the matter?"

Matsuda felt heat flare through his cheeks and scratched the back of his head. He couldn't very well tell Light he had been checking their boss out, could he? 

It seemed L had finished his conversation and was also peering at him, his full lips stained red with cherry juice. Matsuda struggled not to let out a little gasp as L popped the Popsicle back into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks (great cheekbones, Matsuda noted) and *sucked*

"Er... I guess I was just thinking of how Ryuzaki reminds me of Snow White?" 

'Nice one, Matsuda. Well done for blurting *that* out' he thought bitterly. No wonder Ryuzaki was always calling him an idiot in that cold voice of his. 

L looked surprised and Light appeared slightly flustered. Matsuda wondered if Light too had made the comparison. 

"Well... " Matsuda paused for a moment, but decided he might as well just finish what he had started. Ryuzaki and Light would expect him to. 

"I erm... Watched it the other day and was just struck by the similarity. Hair as black as night, skin as pale as snow and... Lips as red as blood" Matsuda dropped his gaze once again to those red, red lips, currently wrapped so seductively around the Popsicle. 

L gazed up at him, his dark eyes unreadable. Matsuda flushed under that heated gaze and looked down at his feet. 

"Thank you, Matsuda" L finally remarked "I believe I will take the comparison as a compliment, considering she was seen as the fairest in the land" Matsuda noticed L's lip was curled in an amusemed smile and felt a flutter of relief. At least he wasn't mad or calling him stupid. 

Light, on the other hand, was gazing at him quite coldly. 'Is it because I complimented Ryuzaki? Does he expect me to compliment him too? Surely not, he's Light. *Everyone* compliments him!' Matsuda found himself meeting Light's eyes challengingly 'Or... Could it be he's jealous?'

Light had been sitting quite close to Ryuzaki recently and ever since the chain had been removed the teenager appeared to be maintaining that previous sense of proximity... 

"I think the heat is getting to you, Matsuda-San" Light remarked snidely. 

L quirked a brow at Light. It was unusual for him to be so rude. Usually insulting Matsuda was something he did, and Light would always reprimand him for being mean. L didn't *mean* what said (usually) he actually rather liked Touta Matsuda. He was an earnest young man with a zest for life and and was an all round decent person. He just found himself frustrated at the police officer's sloppiness and loud character. With time, and maturity, L had no doubts he would become a fantastic officer. 

"How old are you, Matsuda-San? " L asked suddenly, turning from his computer and swivelling his chair to face him. 

"I'm... 28" Matsuda tilted his head in confusion. Why would L ask him that? Could he ask L how old he was? He'd always wondered... 

"Ah. You appear younger" L hummed and took a long lick of the Popsicle. Matsuda felt his mouth go dry as he followed that agile pink tongue as it licked up the underside of the chilled treat. Light shifted in his seat a little and Matsuda just *knew* the teenager was thinking the same dirty thoughts he was 

"How old are you?" Matsuda blurted out, mainly to distract his attention from the way L practically fellated his Popsicle. 

"How old do you think I am?" L countered swiftly, his attention fixed entirely on Matsuda, much to Light's annoyance. 

Well. Matsuda shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He had assumed L was in his early thirties (even though he certainly looked much younger) because of his lengthy career as the World's Greatest Detective. But... As he looked at L he couldn't help but feel he was younger than he seemed. His eyes, in particular, seemed ageless. 

"I... I don't know" Matsuda admitted "My age?"

"No, Matsuda-San. You are my senior by several years" L smiled mysteriously "Whereas Light-Kun Is my junior by a few... "

Light blinked. He had alway assumed L was his age. The fact L was older than him stirred a fierce jealousy in his gut. Did L view him a a child, even though he was 18? Did he think Light was beneath him somehow? 'No. He's always insulting Matsuda and he's just admitted he is quite a bit older than him. L must be in his early twenties.' Light smiled, satisfied he had the intelligence to read between the lines and determin L's age, even if Matsuda didn't. 

"Oh.. " Matsuda frowned. 20? 21? 22? He had no idea and judging by the amused smile L had graced him with, he wasn't about to find out either. 

L soon turned his attention back to his work, but Matsuda found himself distracted by their conversation. Mogi, Aizawa and the chief had stepped out for a moment (probably a cigarette break turned lunch break) and Watari seemed content to sit and read the paper. Light was drinking water regularly to keep himself hydrated as he dilligently worked on. 

Matsuda noticed L had nearly finished his Popsicle and felt a bit dissapointed. He had been enjoying watching L eat (suck) it. It appeared L could not go five minutes without something being in his mouth, for as soon as he finished the Popsicle he stuck his thumb in his mouth and began to suck on it instead. 

'Oral fixation' Matsuda thought, a little dazzedly, as he watched L's lips slip down the flesh of his thumb. L was reading a report and looked very deep in thought. 

'And I am standing here like an idiot with a semi ' Matsuda thought dispairingly. How could he be useful? His eye fell on the chiller. 

"Ryuzaki? Do you want me to get you another Popsicle? "

L turned his neck in a graceful arc and peered at Matsuda. The man was holding a folder in his hands, strategicly placed over his groin. L felt a sly smile on his lips as he recalled Matsuda's earlier staring. Was the man turned on by the way he ate popsicles? 

'87% chance of it' L thought 'The case work is slow today, might as well have a little fun' L nodded and Matsuda quickly selected another Cherry Popsicle, ignoring the Pineapple and Kiwi ones much to L's amusement. 

L took the Popsicle from Matsuda with a nod of thanks. Of course he had noticed Light's glare of distate at Matsuda, and filed it away for later analylisis. 

Matsuda had settled into a chair to his right, while Light was placed on his left, and L felt a little penned in. He would soon make one of them move. He unwrapped the Popsicle and delicatly tongued the top of it, making little licks to the 'head' of the treat as he returned to his work. He felt Matsuda's eyes on him and hid a smirk. Light was shifting in his seat, something he had done several times as L ate his popsicles that afternoon. 

"Mmm, cherry. How did Matsuda-San know cherry Is my favourite?" L moaned, delighting in the wide-eyed look of arousal on Matsuda's face. 

"I... Just guessed... " Matsuda said weakly, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his neck. The pulsing in his pants was growing harder to ignore too. When L deepthroated the treat and *moaned* around it, Matsuda snapped. 

Grabbing his file he yelped an excuse to go make some iced tea and fled. His chair span wildly as he had launched himself off It so quickly, and it continued to twirl as Light and L watched him walk/run out of the office. 

"What on earth was *that* about?" Light asked, genuinely shocked at Matsuda's abrupt departure. 

L carefully laid the Popsicle in its wrapper and got to his feet. 

"I think Light-Kun is right, the heat has got to Matsuda-San. Please remain here and keep an eye on things, I am going to check on Matsuda-San-"

"What? But-"

"Thank you, Light-Kun, I will return shortly" L dismissed Light smoothly and slouched off to the door. Light huffed but returned his attention back to his computer as L closed the door behind him. 

He hoped Matsuda didn't get any funny ideas. L was his. Or would be, soon enough. 

Meanwhile, Matsuda rested his head against the fridge and tried to ignore the hardness in his pants. Goddammit, why had he given L the second Popsicle? Why had he said he would get sweet tea? He could have said he needed the bathroom, at least then he could have gotten rid of his little problem... 

Matsuda bit his lip as his hand drifted down to squeeze the bulge in his trousers. A naughty little thrill buzzed through him as he considered just jerking himself off right here in the work's kitchen... 

It was risky. What if someone walked in? 

He moaned as a sweet flare of pleasure flamed through his groin as he squeezed again. 

Deciding to think with the head bellow his belt, Matsuda hastily unbuckled and unzipped. He groaned loudly as he took his hot erection in hand and pumped himself. 

His eyes fluttered shut as a fantasy unfolded in his mind. Spitting into his palm, he slicked himself up and stroked a little faster. In his mind L was kneeling at his feet, his mouth wrapped around his straining erection and he was *moaning* as he bobbed his head

"Matsuda-San"

"Mmm... Ryuzaki... " Matsuda, lost In fantasy and pleasure, leaned back against the fridge as he continued to work himself. 

"Matsuda-San "

Matsuda paused. Hang on. How was L speaking if he was sucking on his cock? 

Oh. No. 

Matsuda's eyes shot open and his blood ran cold as he found himself staring straight at the person he had been masturbating to. 

"I... I... " Matsuda stammered, dick still in hand and pants around his ankles as he just stared in complete horror. 

L smirked. 

"It's quite alright, Matsuda-San. Since I am the cause of your current predicament I should be the one to remedy it. But first I think it's wise to lock the door and disable the cameras, ne?"

Matsuda opened his mouth then closed it several times as he attempted to speak. Leaving Matsuda to gape like a Goldfish, L quickly disabled the cameras and locked the door. 

Matsuda let out a strangled moan as L sauntered over to him. 

'Bedroom eyes' Matsuda thought, taking in the sultry look in L's beautiful black gaze. 

"I admit I do have an oral fixation and while cake Is my favourite thing to put in my mouth, I do have a close second... " L stepped straight into Matsuda's personal space "do you know what that is, Matsuda-San? "

Trying to ignore his desperately twitching dick and L's intoxicating proximity, Matsuda's brain flatlined. Was he supposed to give a response? 

"Popsicles?" He managed to squeak out. 

"No, Matsuda" L sighed. He dropped to his knees and removed Matsuda's hand (still wrapped uselessly around his cock) and licked a broad, we stripe from base to tip. Matsuda yelled and clutched at the counter top as L wrapped his fingers around the root of his cock and repeated the motion. 

L pulled away and gazed up at him, cherry red lips curled in a seductive smirk. 

"I think you know what it is now, Matsuda" L dropped the honorific (he was about to suck the mans dick after all) and held the stunned man's gaze "Can I?"

Matsuda blinked. L, THE L, wanted to give HIM a blowjob? 

"Y-yes! Please"

Satisfied with his answer, L dived straight in, parting his lips and sucking Matsuda's substantial dick into his mouth and down his throat. He flicked his gaze up to Matsuda's face, humming in amusement as Matsuda's hands scrambled for purchase. He clutched onto the counter as L began to bob his head, little purrs of delight vibrating along the cock in his mouth as he worked. It had been too long since he indulged himself with this. He suckled the dick In his mouth with relish as he luxriated in the sensation of the weight of the heavy dick on his tongue. 

Yes, it had bee FAR too long. 

He tasted a steady drizzle of salty pre-cum ooze onto his tongue and L moaned loudly, his tongue darting out to lathe the slit of Matsuda's cock and gather more of that delicious liquid. 

"Ryuuu.... Fuck! Your mouth... Urgh!" Matsuda was yelling, but he didn't care. L was sucking his cock. That wonderful, wet heat was all he care about! And it was retreating! 

Matsuda whined in distress as his aching cock was suddenly standing in thin air. L shifted and reached to hold on to his hips. 

"Yes, Matsuda, i want you to fuck my mouth" L whispered, his voice a little hoarse from his previous actions. 

Matsuda moaned and nodded his head, scarely believing his luck. He sank his fingers into L's inky hair and thrust his hips forward. L opened his mouth obediantly and moaned around his cock as Matsuda took control, forcefully fucking his mouth with quick thrusts. 

"Gonna cum! Oh god, I'm gonna cum! " Matsuda wailed, his hips snapping forward as L continue to moan wantonly around his dick. 

L relaxed his throat even more as the pre-cum ozzing onto his tongue came out quicker. Matsuda was very close. 

"Take it! Oh fuck, take my dick in that sweet mouth of yours!"

L felt his cock twitch in his jeans as a series of dirty words and commands left Matsuda's panting mouth. Who would have guessed Matsuda had such a filthy mouth? 

He loved it. 

"Yes! I'm gonna shot! Fuck, swallow it down, Swallow it all" Matsuda's impassioned words were cut short as he threw his head back and screamed as he shot his load down L's throat. 

L moaned in satisfaction as Matsuda fucked his face desperately, forcing his spurting cock deep in his throat as L swallowed his cum hungrily. 

Matsuda collapsed back against the counter and gasped raggardly for breath as L sucked at him gently, cleaning him of every last drop of cum. L was drooling slightly, and his cheeks were flushed as he finally withdrew his mouth from his cock. L nuzzled the softning organ for a moment and had one last lick of the head before he slowly got to his feet. 

Matsuda's cock twitched weakly in protest as L moved away from It. 

"You are... such a slut for cock" Matsuda panted, his body shuddering in delightful aftershocks. He had *never* came as hard as that in his entire life. 

L shrugged coyly in response, not even trying to deny Matsuda's statement. His own arousal pulsed demandingly in his jeans. 

"Shall I return the favor?" Matsuda licked suddenly dry lips "I've never... Done it before but-"

L shook his head. 

"I'm very close... I get really aroused when I do that" L blushed a little as Matsuda pulled his hips to his and squeezed his cock through the denim. 

"Yes. Please, more of that" L gasped, as Matsuda's hand slipped inside his baggy jeans and teased him through his soaked underwear. 

L whined softly as Matsuda pinned him to the counter and reached into his underwear. Matsuda wasted no time in pumping his fist (this he could do, he was quite the expert at this) and L moaned into his shoulder as his hips bucked in time to the fast pumps. 

"Close" L gasped, his balls tightening and tingling as Matsuda pumped harder. 

"Come for me you dirty little cocksucker"

L screamed at the words and cried brokenly into Matsuda's shirt as his cock gushed out his pleasure. So intense was it, L didn't even realize he was biting Matsuda's neck as he trembled in release. 

They stood, locked together, until L's cock began to soften in Matsuda's hand. 

Finally they pulled away from each other, both red cheeked and panting. 

"That was... " Matsuda shook his head. He couldn't even begin to describe how incredible that had been. 

L smiled, knowing what Matsuda was trying to say. That certainly had been incredible. 

"You'd best head back to the office. I need to change. " L paused and blushed slightly "Thank you, Matsuda"

"What are you thanking me for? You just gave me the best head I've ever had" Matsuda blushed as he straightened his shirt and tucked his spent cock away. 

"I... Ah, really love to do that" L admitted quietly "and I don't often get the opportunity to do it... "

"Whenever you want! " Matsuda gasped "you can suck my dick whenever you want! "

L smile around the finger in his mouth. That sounded like a marvelous idea. 

"I will be your dirty little cocksucker when we are alone together" L purred, his sultry tone sending shivers down the older man's spine "but I am still your boss in all other things, now back to work, Matsuda" 

L smirked as Matsuda flushed and rushed back to the office. Yes, things were defiantly going to be more fun from now on and with the heatwave forecast to last well into the week he would have to ask Watari to pick up some more popsicles... 

As L showered in his room, Matsuda slunk back into the office and was immediately met with a questioning look from Light and his father. 

Did he looked disheveled? 

"Where is L? " Light asked, his eyes narrowing as he spotted several bite marks on Matsuda's neck that had not been there earlier. 

"He's uh... Having a shower and getting changed... " Matsuda cleared his throat and stood up straighter. L had just sucked him off and he *knew* Light knew something had happened. He could practically taste the jealousy rolling off the teenager. 

"In the middle of the day? " Light pressed, pissed as fuck the office idiot had got to L first. 

"Yeah, I was feeling light headed and spilled ice tea on him" Matsuda sat down at his desk and logged onto his computer "He didn't mind that much actually, he said it was quite refreshing. He should be down soon"

The others bought the excuse readily enough but Light did not. He knew something had happened. When L returned to the office ten minutes later with damp hair and and a coy smile in Matsuda's direction his worst fears were confirmed. 

"Feeling refreshed?" Watari asked, as he poured L a tall glass of iced tea. 

"Much, thank you, oh and Watari, please get more of those popsicles in, I love them"

Watari smiled and bowed his head, promising to pick a fresh batch up tomorrow morning. 

Matsuda grinned as he worked. He'd never been more excited to come to work in the morning! Ignoring Light's silent glares of accusation, Matsuda worked dilligently through the afternoon. 

It was only when L glanced over to him, with a Lolly stuck in his mouth, did his concentration fail again. He went straight back to staring, relishing In the knowledge he now had someone else who shared his oral fixation. 

"Matsuda-San, could you copy these for me please" L held a pile of papers in hand. He licked the lollipop in his mouth as he passed them to Matsuda. 

Their eyes lingered on each other a little too long. 

"Sure, Ryuzaki" Matsuda smiled, finally reaching out to take the papers. Light glared at Matsuda as he bounded over to the photocopier, a definite spring in his step. 

When he turned to look at L to ask him just *why * Matsuda was so happy, L just shrugged. 

And licked his lollipop.


	3. Going through changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is experiencing the typical changes all teenagers go through during puberty. Unfortunately, Misa overhears him discussing these changes with L and gets the wrong idea…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..... My first attempt at Crack. Enough said! Ryuk/Light, Light/L and Misa/Light

Dedicated to: Bubbly980

 

A/N: LOOOOOOOOOL. This is just pure crack! (with a smidgen of Light/L to offset the oddity) 

Light shifted in his chair to try and alleviate the aches in his legs. He’d heard his mother coo about ‘growing pains’ and how special this time of his life was, but he was starting to think the woman didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.  
He certainly didn’t feel blessed to be experiencing the numb cramps in his legs and he was *definitely* not blessed by having the odd pimple blossom on his once flawless face.  
He was nearly 18, and he felt and acted a damn side older than his age so as far as he was considered puberty could just do one. He was a man. He was a GOD. He did not need acne or knee ache or stupid growing pains, thank you very much!  
It was approaching seven pm and even Ryuzaki had stopped working to engage in a game of online chess with someone called ‘N’ His father and the rest of the team had gone home hours ago and even Misa had headed back to her apartment early. He felt at a bit of a loss. Normally he and Ryuzaki would be either arguing, fighting or staring at each other by now. Instead, Ryuzaki seemed completely content to ignore him and leave him to his silent suffering.  
‘Who is this N person anyway? And why is L *smiling* while playing a game of chess with him?’ Light thought. He was not jealous at all, of course, he was just curious. That was all.  
Once Ryuzaki had won the game and said farewell to ‘N’ he leaned back from his computer and stretched noisily, his back audibly clicking as he uncurled himself after being hunched over for so long. He looked around for Watari and frowned when he realized it was just Light and himself inside the Task Force Office.  
“Ryuzaki” Light said firmly “Do you have any painkillers here?”  
L tilted his head and gazed at Light in concern before he rummaged through his desk drawer and pulled out a packet of Nurofen. He threw the box to Light.  
“What’s wrong, Light-Kun?”  
“My knees hurt,” Light said pitifully “It’s stupid”  
“Oh, well that is just your bones growing” L shrugged “If it makes you feel any better, I suspect you will have to endure it for too much longer. You’re 18, and I doubt you have much more growing to do. I had my growth spurt much earlier than you, but alas it didn’t do much for me” L shoved a lollipop in his mouth “I’m sure you will endure the ravages of the changes puberty wracks upon you with dignity, Light-Kun”  
Light peered at L. The man didn’t even look much older than he was. Was it the way the strange detective spoke that made him sound so much older than him? It appeared L’s definition of his age was ‘early twenties’ and that was as detailed as he was going to going to be. But still, Ryuzaki had recently gone through puberty, so he would be the ideal person to talk about his issues too. He couldn’t speak to his father or the other task force members, who knew how many centuries ago they had gone through their own transitions into adulthood?  
“Do you think I’m childish for complaining about it?” Light asked.  
“Yes” L answered shortly and blinked innocently as he received a scowl in response. “I don’t mean it as an insult, Light-Kun. You are reacting to the changes in your body in a rather childlike way- you aren’t old enough to realize what true pain even feels like so the slightest ache will inconvenience you. You should see Watari when his back goes” L shuddered in remembrance at the back massages, he had had to give the poor man. He had been happy to help (of course he had been) but he could have lived his life quite happily without the image of saggy skin and liver spots burned into his eyeballs. “When you are older and start dealing with the usual aches and pains and the general slowing down of the metabolism and energy levels you take for granted as a young man, you will know exactly what I mean,” L said wisely, sounding as if he were a ninety-year-old.  
“You’re in your early twenties, what do you know about slowing metabolisms and aches and pains?” Light huffed, slightly offended by L’s patronizing tone and slightly irritated at himself for letting such trivial things as growing pains get to him. L was right (not that he would admit it) there were far worse things to endure than aching knees.  
“I have always stayed with Watari and Watari is old,” L said slowly as if explaining to a particularly stubborn six-year-old child.  
“Oh… so he complains about aches and pains and stuff constantly?” Light asked, thinking back to how his mother and her friends seemed to delight in informing each other of just how *tired* they all were!  
“All the time” L nodded “It’s a past time for old people, I think. Complaining about the weather, aches and pains and their bowel movements” L shuddered again in revulsion “Appreciate your youth while you still have it, Light-Kun, life goes by very quickly” L did seem wise then, and Light smiled.  
“Thank you, L, this conversation has actually been quite helpful” Light admitted.  
L rolled his eyes in response to Light’s surprised tone and began searching for health information websites to print out pamphlets to annoy Light with. He hid a smirk as he printed out ‘A guide to Nocturnal Emissions’ and bit back his giggle as Light turned beet-red when he picked up the documents L had so helpfully printed for him.  
“Shut up, L!” Light hissed as L’s shoulders shook in silent laughter. He did not even want to think about his nocturnal emissions problem. If he could just make himself fuck Misa occasionally maybe he wouldn’t be so pent up? The thought of any kind of sexual contact with the blonde idol made him want to vomit, and since he was chained up to Ryuzaki…. Well, Light’s teenaged brain had decided to fantasize about Ryuzaki was perfectly acceptable. Considering the fact the pair slept in the same bed, it was easy to see just why Light was experiencing such embarrassingly frequent wet dreams. 

As Light suffered the indignity of having his personal problems mocked, Misa Amane was also suffering. She had made a cup of green tea and had laid down on her couch to watch a soap opera, but somehow the tea had been left to grow cold and she had fallen asleep to be transported into a nightmare.  
In her dream Light was with her, and they were sat together on a park bench. It should have been a lovely scene, her and her Light on a date in the park (With NO RYUZAKI!) but it wasn’t. Light didn’t look as radiantly handsome as he usually did. Indeed, he looked quite bloated and his usually taut belly was as round as a balloon as it hung heavily over his slacks. Misa actually felt quite repulsed by the sight of it and wondered how she could voice her concern without offending her dear Light’s feelings.  
“Misa, I have something very important to tell you” Light turned serious Amber eyes to her and fixed them intently on her face. Misa sat up a little straighter, wondering if Light was going to give her a new order or a new mission to complete. Light was Kira, and Kira was her god. She would do anything to please him… even if he did have a disgustingly large belly.  
“Anything you need, Light, I will do it” Misa promised breathlessly.  
Ryuk seemed to swagger over from a nearby apple tree, his shark-like grin even wider than usual as he strutted towards them, hands on hips and crotch displayed proudly.  
Misa frowned. She’d never seen Ryuk move like that before. He looked like the cat that had got the cream. What had made him so happy?  
“Okay. Well, this is going to be hard on you but you need to accept it” Light began, brushing a stray lock of his behind his ears as he braced himself. “I’m a raging Homosexual. And I am also pregnant”  
Misa’s jaw dropped of its own accord. She had never heard anything so absurd! Light was a boy! Everyone knew boys couldn’t get pregnant. Even *she* knew boys couldn’t get pregnant! At least, not without their wishes being granted by their fairy godmother, and she knew very well Light did not have a fairy godmother!  
“Light?! What are you talking about?” Misa frowned, her poor brain sluggishly trying to put two and two together. On the best of days, she sometimes forgot how to spell her own name, so it didn’t stand much chance of success in this current stressful situation…  
“I’ve gone and knocked Light-O up!” Ryuk sang “He’s got a bun in the oven after my lovin’!”  
Misa made a terrible noise of distress that sounded very much like a dying giraffe as Light simpered at Ryuk and the pair began to make out. Somehow Ryuk was able to kiss Light without ripping his face to shreds with his razor-sharp teeth. His long tongue flicked out and he slurped at Light’s face, making Misa scream in revulsion.  
“LIGHT, YOU PERVERT! RYUK! YOU SKANK ASS HOMEWRECKING HOE!” Misa screamed at the top of her lungs, making several people milling around the park stop and stare at them.  
“HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN, MISA!” Light screamed back, nestled protectively into Ryuk’s gangly arms “you wouldn’t understand!”  
“You’re a MAN Light! And you can’t be pregnant!” Misa yelled, tears of frustration welling in her eyes. As she said it, Ryuk pulled a sparkling magic wand from behind his back and waggled it airily. A sparkly tiara manifested on his head and Light simpered again, clutching his hands to his chest and cooing at the sight of his wonderful, clown-faced, gangly stud-a-muffin.  
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”  
Misa bolted awake, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest as her eyes stared straight forward in panic. Only when she blinked a few times and looked around her did reality hit home. It had been a dream. It had been an awful, terrible dream! Her Light would NEVER do something like that to her!  
Even as she felt some comfort at the thought and tried to relax she could not shake the terror of her dream. The sight of Light’s engorged belly and his screaming affirmations of being a ‘raging homosexual’ had shaken her.  
Misa slowly climbed to her feet and wiped the sweat from her brow. She needed to see Light.  
She glanced at the clock on the wall on her way out and noted it was only 7:40 pm. Light and Ryuzaki were probably still in the office. She hurriedly made her way down the numerous corridors and flights of stairs in the gargantuan building as she rushed to Light.  
She had just made it to the doors of the office building when she paused. Was that Light moaning she had just heard? She knew it wasn’t very nice to snoop, but after the awful dream she had, she felt vindicated. Light would never do anything to hurt her, she knew he loved him, so she could make herself feel a little better by listening to Light praise her beauty and grace to his weird friend Ryuzaki! If he was moaning, he was clearly thinking about her, right?  
“Light-Kun, will you just sit still and let me stretch you properly” Ryuzaki huffed, sounding a little out of breath “You said you wanted to ease the pain a bit but you’re doing nothing to assist me here! This is only the first month as well, you have many more months of these aches to endure!”  
‘Many more months?’ Misa frowned and leaned her head closer to the door, straining to hear more of the conversation.  
“I know. It’s just hard” Light moaned “OOOh, Ryuzaki! That feels so good!”  
“See? Told you I was good with me hands” Ryuzaki sounded smug.  
THAT WAS IT!  
Misa barged into the room and glared down at Light and Ryuzaki who lay on the floor. Ryuzaki dropped Light’s leg and popped a finger in his mouth as he looked up at her.  
‘She certainly does look angry’ Ryuzaki thought. ‘does she mind that much that I am giving him a leg massage?’  
“YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT, LIGHT YAGAMI” Misa screeched.  
O.O (Light’s face)  
O.o’’ (L’s face)  
X-( (Misa’s face)  
“How dare you! We are done! I never want to see your face again!” Misa cried. Ryuzaki did not help matters by offering Light a hand to help him up.  
“YOU PERVERT RYUZAKI!”  
Ryuzaki innocently pointed at his face “Me?”  
“I thought you were just messing around with Ryuk but Nooo! You just have to be screwing around with Ryuzaki as well you cheating scumbag!” Misa hissed, tossing her hair dramatically and stalking back towards the door. She paused on the threshold and glared at the two very dumbfounded young men.  
“I hope your dick falls off you spineless sack of shit!” Misa stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind her. The dull thud of the door slam echoed in the cavernous room as L and Light turned to look at each other in confusion.  
“… Light-Kun… has Misa gone mad?” Ryuzaki asked quietly.  
“…” Light blinked, still too stunned by the confrontation to even formulate an answer.  
Ryuzaki padded over to the monitor closet to him and brought up the CCTV footage. Sure enough, Misa Amane had left the building.  
“She’s left” Ryuzaki said, wonder apparent in his tone. He slowly turned to Light and his face lit up in a bright smile. “Light! She’s left! She’s gone! Quick, let’s change the locks and make sure she can never come back again!” giggling like a child, L rushed to send an email to Watari demanding the entire security system be overwritten now Misa Amane had left. She was not under any circumstance to be allowed to return to HQ.  
“She’s… gone?” Light asked, after a few minutes of dumb silence. Could he dare hope it was true?  
“She’s gone!” L whooped, pulling Light into a hug.  
Light immediately got a boner.  
“She’s gone! And my dick is hard!” Light yelled, pumping a fist in the air in triumph “No more having to make excuses not to sleep with Misa! Let’s fuck to celebrate!”  
And so, Light and L did just that.  
The End. 

A/N: O.o I have never written crack before. After writing this and reading it over I feel like I was actually ON crack writing it!


End file.
